so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
