thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
