Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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