Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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