Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
