at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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