I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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