Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
