i think my tv is drunk
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
