After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
