UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
