please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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