He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
