Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dick very happy bro
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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