ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
