but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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