The maid of honor just puked.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
