Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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