I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I am naked and annoyed.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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