So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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