I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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