its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's rum buckets o'clock
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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