i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
