Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
