Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
