haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
