omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
