This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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