The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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