my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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