you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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