Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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