even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
