Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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