Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
