YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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