I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
