What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
