I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
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