I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize