So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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