Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
