Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
