So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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