1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
