I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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