Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
