Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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