Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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