I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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