Having a random hookup so left but love u
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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