Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
