In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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