my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
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just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
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I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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