I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
