Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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