Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well I just put wine in my tea
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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