she woke up with a sticky ear
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
