Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize