Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
