I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
