did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
