as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
