hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
