We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
