do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
