i think my tv is drunk
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
