She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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