its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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