ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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