I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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