All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
