Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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