I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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