Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
