I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
